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CHAPTER II.--NEWS INTERESTING AND SERIOUS
August 5.--A cloud of letters. A letter from Caroline, another from
mother; also one from each to my father.
The probability to which all the intelligence from my sister has
pointed of late turns out to be a fact. There is an engagement, or
almost an engagement, announced between my dear Caroline and M. de la
Feste--to Caroline's sublime happiness, and my mother's entire
satisfaction; as well as to that of the Marlets. They and my mother
seem to know all about the young man--which is more than I do, though
a little extended information about him, considering that I am
Caroline's elder sister, would not have been amiss. I half feel with
my father, who is much surprised, and, I am sure, not altogether
satisfied, that he should not have been consulted at all before
matters reached such a definite stage, though he is too amiable to
say so openly. I don't quite say that a good thing should have been
hindered for the sake of our opinion, if it is a good thing; but the
announcement comes very suddenly. It must have been foreseen by my
mother for some time that this upshot was probable, and Caroline
might have told me more distinctly that M. de la Feste was her lover,
instead of alluding so mysteriously to him as only a friend of the
Marlets, and lately dropping his name altogether. My father, without
exactly objecting to him as a Frenchman, 'wishes he were of English
or some other reasonable nationality for one's son-in-law,' but I
tell him that the demarcations of races, kingdoms, and creeds, are
wearing down every day, that patriotism is a sort of vice, and that
the character of the individual is all we need think about in this
case. I wonder if, in the event of their marriage, he will continue
to live at Versailles, or if he will come to England.
August 7.--A supplemental letter from Caroline, answering, by
anticipation, some of the aforesaid queries. She tells me that
'Charles,' though he makes Versailles his present home, is by no
means bound by his profession to continue there; that he will live
just where she wishes, provided it be not too far from some centre of
thought, art, and civilization. My mother and herself both think
that the marriage should not take place till next year. He exhibits
landscapes and canal scenery every year, she says; so I suppose he is
popular, and that his income is sufficient to keep them in comfort.
If not, I do not see why my father could not settle something more on
them than he had intended, and diminish by a little what he had
proposed for me, whilst it was imagined that I should be the first to
stand in need of such.
'Of engaging manner, attractive appearance, and virtuous character,'
is the reply I receive from her in answer to my request for a
personal description. That is vague enough, and I would rather have
had one definite fact of complexion, voice, deed, or opinion. But of
course she has no eye now for material qualities; she cannot see him
as he is. She sees him irradiated with glories such as never
appertained and never will appertain to any man, foreign, English, or
Colonial. To think that Caroline, two years my junior, and so
childlike as to be five years my junior in nature, should be engaged
to be married before me. But that is what happens in families more
often than we are apt to remember.
August 16.--Interesting news to-day. Charles, she says, has pleaded
that their marriage may just as well be this year as next; and he
seems to have nearly converted my mother to the same way of thinking.
I do not myself see any reason for delay, beyond the standing one of
my father having as yet had no opportunity of forming an opinion upon
the man, the time, or anything. However, he takes his lot very
quietly, and they are coming home to talk the question over with us;
Caroline having decided not to make any positive arrangements for
this change of state till she has seen me. Subject to my own and my
father's approval, she says, they are inclined to settle the date of
the wedding for November, three months from the present time, that it
shall take place here in the village, that I, of course, shall be
bridesmaid, and many other particulars. She draws an artless picture
of the probable effect upon the minds of the villagers of this
romantic performance in the chancel of our old church, in which she
is to be chief actor--the foreign gentleman dropping down like a god
from the skies, picking her up, and triumphantly carrying her off.
Her only grief will be separation from me, but this is to be assuaged
by my going and staying with her for long months at a time. This
simple prattle is very sweet to me, my dear sister, but I cannot help
feeling sad at the occasion of it. In the nature of things it is
obvious that I shall never be to you again what I hitherto have been:
your guide, counsellor, and most familiar friend.
M. de la Feste does certainly seem to be all that one could desire as
protector to a sensitive fragile child like Caroline, and for that I
am thankful. Still, I must remember that I see him as yet only
through her eyes. For her sake I am intensely anxious to meet him,
and scrutinise him through and through, and learn what the man is
really made of who is to have such a treasure in his keeping. The
engagement has certainly been formed a little precipitately; I quite
agree with my father in that: still, good and happy marriages have
been made in a hurry before now, and mother seems well satisfied.
August 20.--A terrible announcement came this morning; and we are in
deep trouble. I have been quite unable to steady my thoughts on
anything to-day till now--half-past eleven at night--and I only
attempt writing these notes because I am too restless to remain idle,
and there is nothing but waiting and waiting left for me to do.
Mother has been taken dangerously ill at Versailles: they were
within a day or two of starting; but all thought of leaving must now
be postponed, for she cannot possibly be moved in her present state.
I don't like the sound of haemorrhage at all in a woman of her full
habit, and Caroline and the Marlets have not exaggerated their
accounts I am certain. On the receipt of the letter my father
instantly decided to go to her, and I have been occupied all day in
getting him off, for as he calculates on being absent several days,
there have been many matters for him to arrange before setting out--
the chief being to find some one who will do duty for him next
Sunday--a quest of no small difficulty at such short notice; but at
last poor old feeble Mr. Dugdale has agreed to attempt it, with Mr.
Highman, the Scripture reader, to assist him in the lessons.
I fain would have gone with my father to escape the irksome anxiety
of awaiting her; but somebody had to stay, and I could best be
spared. George has driven him to the station to meet the last train
by which he will catch the midnight boat, and reach Havre some time
in the morning. He hates the sea, and a night passage in particular.
I hope he will get there without mishap of any kind; but I feel
anxious for him, stay-at-home as he is, and unable to cope with any
difficulty. Such an errand, too; the journey will be sad enough at
best. I almost think I ought to have been the one to go to her.
August 21.--I nearly fell asleep of heaviness of spirit last night
over my writing. My father must have reached Paris by this time; and
now here comes a letter . . .
Later.--The letter was to express an earnest hope that my father had
set out. My poor mother is sinking, they fear. What will become of
Caroline? O, how I wish I could see mother; why could not both have
gone?
Later.--I get up from my chair, and walk from window to window, and
then come and write a line. I cannot even divine how poor Caroline's
marriage is to be carried out if mother dies. I pray that father may
have got there in time to talk to her and receive some directions
from her about Caroline and M. de la Feste--a man whom neither my
father nor I have seen. I, who might be useful in this emergency, am
doomed to stay here, waiting in suspense.
August 23.--A letter from my father containing the sad news that my
mother's spirit has flown. Poor little Caroline is heart-broken--she
was always more my mother's pet than I was. It is some comfort to
know that my father arrived in time to hear from her own lips her
strongly expressed wish that Caroline's marriage should be solemnized
as soon as possible. M. de la Feste seems to have been a great
favourite of my dear mother's; and I suppose it now becomes almost a
sacred duty of my father to accept him as a son-in-law without
criticism.
第2章 有趣和严重的消息
8月5日。——收到好几封信。一封是卡罗琳写的，一封是母亲写的；她们还分别给我父亲写了一封信。
妹妹最近带来的一切消息中所表明的那种可能性已成为事实。卡罗琳与弗斯特先生宣布订婚了，或几乎订婚了——卡罗琳幸福无比，母亲和马勒特一家也完全满意。他们和我母亲好象对那个青年了如指掌——当然比我了解，虽然考虑到我是卡罗琳的姐姐，他们也不会忘记多告诉我一点情况。我有些同情父亲，他得知这事后大为震惊；我肯定他也并非很满意，事情发展到这样确定的地步前也不先征求一下他意见——尽管他很可亲，不愿公开这样说。我倒不是说一件好事要因为我们的意见而受到阻止，如果它是一件好事的话；不过这消息也来得太突然了。母亲一定已有一段时间预见到可能会有这样的结果，而卡罗琳也该更加明确告诉我弗斯特先生就是她情人，不该神秘地隐隐提到他只是马勒特一家的朋友，并且最近连他的名字都从来不提一下。父亲倒没有明确反对他这个法国人，但“希望女婿是个英国人或其他适当国籍的人”；我告诉他对于种族、地域、信条的划分每天都在消失，爱国精神并不好①，在此事上我们唯一需要考虑的就是个人的品质如何。如果他们真的结婚了，不知他是否继续住在凡尔赛，还是会到英国来。
注：①注意这里主要是在提倡一种整个人类的大团结。
8月7日。——卡罗琳寄来一封补充的信，像我所预料的回答了上述一些疑问。她说“查尔斯”虽然眼下住在凡尔赛，但决不会受职业的约束非得继续住在那儿；她希望住在哪里他就愿住在哪里，只要离思想、艺术和文明的中心不是太远。母亲和她本人都认为要次年才会结婚。她说他每年都要展出山水画，所以我想他是很受欢迎的，他的收入也足以让他们过得舒适。如果不是这样，我也不明白为什么父亲不能在他们身上比他原先打算的多安排点事，而减少一点事先对我所作出的计划——以前他想象着我应该首先需要办这种事。
我要求她对他个人作一下描绘，她回答说“举止迷人，容貌英俊，品德高尚。”这可够模糊的了，我很希望她把他的肤色、声音、行为或观点说得确切一些。不过她当然无法判断那些重要的品质，无法看出他的真面目。她只看见他光辉四射，这样的人过去没有将来也绝不会有，无论是外国的、英国的或是美国独立前十三州殖民地时期的。想想看，卡罗琳比我小两岁，在性格上像个比我小5岁的孩子，竟然比我先订了婚。不过这样的事已不知多么频繁地发生在各个家庭里了。
8月16日。——今天得到有趣的消息。她说，查尔斯已表明他们的婚礼不妨在今年举行
；他好象已几乎让我母亲有了同样的想法。我自己也看不出有任何推迟的理由，除了那
个常有的问题，即父亲至今连对那个男人本身、时间安排或任何事情作出判断的机会都
没有。然而，他非常平静地认命了，他们就要回家来与我们谈论这个问题；卡罗琳已决
定在见到我们前对这一转变的情况不作任何确切的准备。她说如果父亲和我同意，他们
就想把婚礼的日期定在11月，即3个月后；举行婚礼的地点就在村里；我当然要做女傧
相，以及其它许多具体事情。她描绘了一幅天真朴实的美景：他们在我们那个古老教堂
的圣坛上举行的浪漫婚礼，将会给村民们带去怎样的影响，而她则扮演着主要角色——
那位外国绅士犹如从天而降的上帝，把她抱起来喜气洋洋地带走了。她唯一难过的是要
和我分别，不过我将在某个时候去和她一起住上数月，她才因此觉得好受一些。这一番
天真的话我听起来的确很甜美，亲爱的妹妹，但一想到那种情形我就不禁感到忧伤。显
而易见，我对于你将必然不再像过去那样了：做你的向导、顾问和最亲密的朋友。
作为像卡罗琳那样敏感脆弱的孩子的保护者，弗斯特先生确实看来再好不过了，我为此
满怀感激。尽管如此，我还必须记住自己只是通过她的眼睛去了解他的。为了她我很想
见见他，把他彻底考查一番，看看要得到那样一个宝贝的男人究竟如何。订婚确实仓促
了一些，这一点我与父亲的看法一致：不过，以前也有一些仓促结婚获得幸福美满婚姻
的例子，并且母亲似乎相当满意。
8月20日。——今天早上传来可怕消息，我们遇到了巨大麻烦。直到此刻我才能安下心
来想一些事情——这时已晚上11点半——我极力要写点什么东西，只是由于我感到太心
烦了，无法闲着，除了等待什么事也做不成。母亲在凡尔赛病危：他们本来再过一两天
就要出发，但现在所有这种想法都必须推后了，以她目前的状况是不可能转移的。我一
点不愿听到大出血的话，因为母亲的体质非常健康，但我也肯定卡罗琳和马勒特一家并
没有言过其实。一收到信后父亲就决定要赶到母亲那里去，我一整天都在忙着为他出门
作准备；他估计要耽搁数天时间，有许多事情需要先安排好——最主要的就是找到某人
在下个礼拜天替他行礼拜式——由于事情太突然，这可不是很容易办到。不过年老体弱
的达格道尔先生终于答应试试，由传教士海曼先生协助他诵读经文。
我很想和父亲一起去，以免在这儿等得心烦担忧；但总得有人留下，最好是我。乔治已
开车把他送到车站去赶最后一班火车，然后他再转乘午夜的船，于次日上午什么时候到
达勒阿弗尔①。他讨厌乘船，尤其是在晚上。希望他平安无事到达那儿，可我替他担
心，他很少出门，难以对付任何困难。此次出去对于他也不好办，这个旅程就最乐观的
一方面看也挺麻烦的。
注：①勒阿弗尔，法国北部港市。
8月21日。——我心情沉重，昨晚几乎写着时就睡了。父亲现在一定已到达巴黎；我收
到一封信......
稍后。——这封信热切盼望父亲已出发。他们担心可怜的母亲病情越来越重。卡罗琳会
怎么样呢？唉，我多么想见到母亲，为啥就不能两人一起去？
稍后。——我从椅里站起来，从一扇窗走到另一扇窗，再过来写上一点。我甚至无法预
料假如母亲死了可怜的卡罗琳的婚事如何办。我祈求着父亲能及时赶到，以便和她谈
谈，听她亲口讲讲如何办理卡罗琳和弗斯特先生的事——那个男人父亲和我都没见过。
在这一非常时刻我本来会派上用场的，可命中注定了要留在这儿焦虑地等待。
8月23日。——父亲寄来一信，说母亲的精神很快恶劣下去。可怜的卡罗琳伤心无
比——她总是比我更受到母亲宠爱。得知父亲及时赶到，听见她亲口极力表示希望卡罗
琳的婚礼尽快隆重举行，使我很得到一些安慰。亲爱的母亲似乎相当喜欢弗斯特先生，
我想现在父亲要无可挑剔地认他作女婿，这几乎已成为摆在父亲面前的一个神圣职责。
----------------------------------------------
论高位
文：英）弗兰西斯·培根
翻译：刘荣跃
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
作家简介：弗兰西斯?培根（1561--1626），文艺复兴时期英国著名哲学家和
散文家。其主要文学著作有《学术的进展》、《新工具》、《新大西岛》、《论说文
集》。
培根对文学的主要贡献是《论说文集》，共含58篇。这些文章以贵族、资产阶级世
家子弟为对象，谈论社会风尚、处事哲学、治学方法、人生经验等许多方面，从个
人生活到邦国大事，无所不包。其文或旁征博引，纵横议论，或多方推究，层层剖
析，寓深刻的思想于浅显的事例之中，读来引人深思。培根文笔简洁，鞭辟入里，
常用排句、类比、以特别富于警句格言著称，有些已成为英语中家喻户晓的名言，
如“知识就是力量”。
居高位者，皆三重奴仆：君主或国家之奴仆，名誉之奴仆，公务之奴仆。因此他们毫无
自由可言，无论其人身、行动或时间。追逐权力宁可失去自由，一心控制他人宁可丧失
自制之力，此欲实为一奇。跃居高位须历尽千辛万苦，并且此种辛苦会有增无减；间或
须有卑劣之举，以做耻辱之事登上荣耀之位。其位实不牢固，稍一退缩，即会垮台，或
至少黯然失色，成悲事一桩。如一拉丁文所言：“既已失去往日荣耀，便无再求生存之
理。” 而且，人既登高位，欲退不能；即便理应如此，也不心甘情愿；甚至在年老多
病之时，本需隐退，却无心独处；犹如年老的市民，仍坐于街门旁观望，唯令人嗤笑其
老态龙钟。无疑，达官贵人需借他人之感，方自以为幸福；而以己之感判之，则难以觉
察：但以他人之心度己，自以为别人向往其位，则自得其乐，似乎从人所见——而也许
其所感正好相反。因为，他们最先觉到自己的悲哀，而最后发现自身的错误。的确，仕
途亨通者，对己亦不认识，他们整日陷入繁杂事务，无瑕顾及身心健康。诚如一拉丁文
所言：“为大众所知者，死时却为已所不识，实可悲也。”
身居高位，既可行善，亦可作恶，后者实为祸患，须先除作恶之心，再去作恶之力。而
行善之权，乃为志士所应得，合理合法。因善心虽为上帝赞同，但对凡人而言，与好梦
相差无几，除非付诸实践——而这，非有权力高位不可，一如占据居高有利之地形。人
多有建功立业之心；唯知事业有成，方可安然休憩。因人既能从事上帝之所为，亦应分
享上帝之安息。诚如一拉丁文所言：“上帝回顾其手创万物，见一切美好无比。” 于
是安息日由此而生。
履行职责，应以杰出之士为榜样，有许多箴言，可资借鉴。不久，即可以己为例，严加
自查，省当初是否有误。前任不当之处，亦不可忽视；这并非揭人之短，显己之能，而
意在扬长避短。因此如有改革之举，切勿大肆夸耀，或耻笑古时古人；而应制定规则，
以作优秀之先例。凡事须追本溯源，查其何以衰败；无论古今皆应征询：古者何事最
佳，今者何事最宜。
力求按规则办事，以让人预知何事可以期待；但亦不可过于死板。若自犯规则，应讲明
事理。严守本位职责，而不过问他人管辖之事务；默默行使本人实权，而不对此大加叫
嚷。下级之权利亦应维护；与其事事干涉，不如宏观控制，应以此为荣。执政当中，凡
他人之帮助和建议，应予欢迎；对报告情况者，不得视为好事加以排除，而应妥善接
待。
掌权之弊，大致有四：拖拉、腐败、粗暴、随意。
就拖拉而言，宜开门纳客，工作定时，手头之事及时处理，若无必要切不可诸事混杂。
就腐败而言，不仅应管住自身和属下不接，而且应束住有求者不送。为此既自身正直，
又以正直告人，明示憎恶行贿之举；既避免此错误，又防止此嫌疑。谁若反复不定，有
明显改变而无明白理由，便有腐败之嫌。因此，若需改变观点或措施，应清楚说明，公
开宣布，并将更改原因告之于众，切不可存暗中为之一念。对于属下或亲信，若待之与
众不同，让其颇受珍重，却无明白理由，则常被世人视为秘密贪污之捷径。
就粗暴而言，易招致不满，实不必要：严厉令人生畏，粗暴则引起仇恨。即便上司责
备，亦应端庄严肃，而不可奚落辱骂。
就随意而言，其害比贿赂更甚。因贿赂只时有发生；而若为官者有求必应，处处受妄加
敬重者制约，则积习难改。诚如所罗门言：“徇私情不无弊端，因徇此人会为一块面包
而误入歧途。”
古人有言，实千真万确：“高位见人心。”有的更见其美德，有的更见其邪恶。塔西佗
论罗马大帝盖巴时曰：“其人未称帝之时，人皆以为可作明主。”但论及韦斯巴桑 时
则曰：“其人大权在手而更见美德，皇帝中独一无二也。”其上一则指雄才大略，二则
指道德情操。一个高尚而宽厚的人，必然有此特征，而尊荣之位使其更臻完美。因尊荣
是或应该是美德之位，一如自然中，万物未就其位时，皆狂奔猛撞，而既达其位，则安
然平静。美德亦复如此，壮志未酬时则狂，大权在握时则宁。凡登高位者，无不绕梯盘
旋而上。若有宗派，则在升位之际，支持自我一方；既登高位，则须自我平衡。此乃善
举也。对前任所作之事，宜公平体谅；不然，将欠下债务，于卸职之时必偿无疑。若有
同僚，应予尊重，宁可于其未期待时征召，亦不于其有理应召时排除。与人谈话，或对
客人作私下答复，对其高位不可过于敏感，或念念不忘，宁可让人说：“当其坐堂执政
时，则判若两人也。”
Of Great Place
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MEN in great place are thrice servants: servants of the sovereign or state; servants of fame; and servants of business. So as they have no freedom; neither in their persons, nor in their actions, nor in their times. It is a strange desire, to seek power and to lose liberty: or to seek power over others, and to lose power over a man's self.
The rising unto place is laborious; and by pains,men come to greater pains; and it is sometimes base; and by indignities, men come to dignities.The standing is slippery, and the regress is either a downfall, or at least an eclipse, which is a melancholy thing. Cum non sis qui fueris, non esse curvelis vivere. Nay, retire men cannot when they would, neither will they, when it were reason; but
are impatient of privateness, even in age and sickness, which require the shadow; like old townsmen, that will be still sitting at their street door, though thereby they offer age to scom. Certainly great persons had need to borrow other men's opinions, to think themselves happy; for if they judge by their own feeling, they cannot find it; but if they think with themselves, what other men think of them, and that other men would fain be,as they are, then they are happy, as it were, by report; when perhaps they find the contrary
within. For they are the first, that find their own griefs, though they be the last, that find theirown faults. Certainly men in great fortunes are strangers to themselves, and while they are in the puzzle of business, they have no time to tend their health, either of body or mind. Illi mors gravis incubat, qui notus nimis omnibus, ignotus moritur sibi. In place, there is license to do good, and evil; whereof the latter is a curse: for in evil, the best condition is not to win; the second, not to can. But power to do good, is the true and lawful end of aspiring. For good thoughts (though God accept them) yet, towards men, are little better than good dreams, except they be put in act; and that cannot be, without power and place, as the vantage, and commanding ground. Merit and good works, is the end of man's motion; and conscience of the same is the accomplishment of man's rest. For if a man can be partaker of God's theatre, he shall likewise be partaker of God's rest. Et conversus Deus, ut aspiceret opera quae fecerunt manus suae, vidit quod omnia essent bona nimis; and then the sab bath. In the discharge of thy place, set before thee the best examples; for imitation is a globe of precepts. And after a time, set before thee thine own example; and examine thyself strictly, whether
thou didst not best at first. Neglect not also the examples, of those that have carried themselves ill, in the same place; not to set off thyself, by taxing their memory, but to direct thyself, what to avoid. Reform therefore, without bravery, or scandal of former times and persons; but yet set it down to thyself, as well to create good precedents, as to follow them. Reduce things to the first institution,and observe wherein, and how, they have degenerate; but yet ask counsel of both times; of the ancient time, what is best; and of the latter time, what is fittest. Seek to make thy course regular, that men may know beforehand, what they may expect; but be not too positive and peremptory;
and express thyself well, when thou digressest from thy rule. Preserve the right of thy place; but stir not questions of jurisdiction; and rather assume thy right, in silence and de facto, than voice it with claims, and challenges. Preserve likewise the rights of inferior places; and think it more honor, to direct in chief, than to be busy in all.
Embrace and invite helps, and advices, touching the execution of thy place; and do not drive away such, as bring thee information, as meddlers; but accept of them in good part. The vices of authority are chiefly four: delays, corruption, roughness, and facility. For delays: give easy access; keep times appointed; go through with that which is in
hand, and interlace not business, but of necessity.
For corruption: do not only bind thine own hands, or thy servants' hands, from taking, but bind the hands of suitors also, from offering. For integrity used doth the one; but integrity professed, and with a manifest detestation of bribery, doth the other. And avoid not only the fault, but the suspicion. Whosoever is found variable, and changeth
manifestly without manifest cause, giveth suspicion of corruption. Therefore always, when thou changest thine opinion or course, profess it plainly, and declare it, together with the reasons that move thee to change; and do not think to steal it. A servant or a favorite, if he be inward, and no other apparent cause of esteem, is commonly thought, but a by-way to close corruption. For roughness: it is a needless cause of discontent:
severity breedeth fear, but roughness breedeth hate. Even reproofs from authority, ought to be grave, and not taunting. As for facility: it is worse than bribery. For bribes come but now and then; but if importunity, or idle respects, lead a man, he shall never be without. As Solomon saith, To respect persons is not good; for such a man will
transgress for a piece of bread. It is most true, that was anciently spoken, A place showeth the man.
And it showeth some to the better, and some to the worse. Omnium consensu capax imperii, nisi imperasset, saith Tacitus of Galba; but of Vespasian he saith, Solus imperantium, Vespasianus mutatus in melius; though the one was meant of sufficiency, the other of manners, and affection. It is an assured sign of a worthy and generous spirit, whom honor amends. For honor is, or should be, the place of virtue; and as in nature, things move violently to their place, and calmly in their place, so virtue in ambition is violent, in authority settled and calm.
All rising to great place is by a winding star; and if there be factions, it is good to side a man's self, whilst he is in the rising, and to balance himself when he is placed. Use the memory of thy predecessor, fairly and tenderly; for if thou dost not, it is a debt will sure be paid when thou art gone. If thou have colleagues, respect them, and rather call
them, when they look not for it, than exclude them , when they have reason to look to be called.
Be not too sensible, or too remembering, of thy place in conversation, and private answers to suitors; but let it rather be said, When he sits in place, he is another man.
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戏说英语
英语也能戏说吗？要知道全世界说英语的人口占了七分之一，全世界一半的书籍是用英文写的，全世界百分之六十的电台节目是英语的，绝大多数的国际长途电话是用英语打的，百分之七十的国际信函是用英文写的，百分之八十的电脑文件，包括网站都是用英文储存的……
可是英文的确很臭，而且臭不可闻！
先说英文字母，一个个像蠕动的蚯蚓，拼成文字，就像蚯蚓游行，又似蚂蚁搬家，歪歪斜斜，毫无美感。至于英文字，真不知是谁创造的，整个瞎拼滥凑，弱智组合的典型。不信？随便举几个例子，就从你日常生活中的词语开始吧。
你午饭吃什么来着？烧茄子？那您从茄子 (eggplant) 中吃出鸡蛋了吗？饭后吃什么水果？菠萝 (pineapple)？菠萝是松树上结的苹果吗？哦，去饭店啦，那汉堡包 (hamburger) 是 ham 做的吗？炸薯条 (frenchfries) 是法国人发明的吗？对了，那跑堂的叫什么来着？“waiter”？可是您这位来吃饭的才是真正坐着“等”的人啊！您是素食者 (vegetarian)？如果素食者吃蔬菜 (vegetable)，那 humanitarian（人道主义者）该吃什么呢？您家养的豚鼠也吃素？那豚鼠 (guinea pig) 是几内亚产的猪吗？
英文中的“数”搞清楚了吗？什么时候加 s，什么时候加 es？容易？那好，“tooth”复数变“teeth”，那么“booth”是“beeth”吗？One goose, two geese --- one moose, two meese? 裤子一定是“a pair of pants”,而衬衫却不能说“a pair of shirts”。女人的三角内裤是复数 (panties)，胸罩却是单数 (brassiere)，您能解释吗？难怪多伦多的冰球队叫“Maple Leafes”而曼尼托巴队则叫“Timberwolves”。
不规则动词有没有让你多长几根白发？老师 (teacher) 可以 taught，牧师 (preacher) 为什么不能 praught？The sun shone yesterday，为什么我只能“shined my shoes yesterday”？“lay、lie、laid、lain”学到今天弄明白了吗？要不要再复习一遍不规则动词表？
英语介词有没有让你一头雾水过？闹钟什么时候 goes off，什么时候 goes on？你开车超速，是该 slow up 还是 slow down？填写签证申请表是 fill in the form 还是 fill out the form？把一棵树砍下来是 chop it down，然后再 chop it up 是把它再竖起来吗？你晕车了，是 throw up 还是 throw out？
英文中的“性”问题也不小。女宇航员可以“man a station”，却不能“women”一下；男人可以“father”一个人权运动，女人却不可以“mother”一个；国王可以统治一个“kingdom”，女王却不能统治一个“queendom”。其它的拼音文字就更糟。马克·吐温在他的杂文《丑陋的德语》中说：“一棵树是公的，而它的芽是母的，它的叶子是中性的。马是没有性别的，狗是公的，猫是母的……”幸亏当初没学德语。
英文的六、七、八、九可演变成“sixty、seventy、eighty 和 ninety”，为什么二十、三十、四十、五十却不能拼成“twoty，threety，fourty 和 fivety”？Writer 可以 write，teacher 可以 teach，finger 却不能 fing，grocer 也不能 groce，hammer 更不能 ham。
Tomboy 是女孩，midwives 则可能是大老爷儿们；Hot dogs 既不热也不是狗；最莫名其妙的是“bathroom”，既没有“bath”也没有“room”，连一条狗躲在一棵树底下方便都算去“洗澡间”！
大人们 (adult) 干了“那事儿”叫“adultery”，可“infantry（步兵）”和婴儿（infant）又有何相干？“Parkway”上可以“drive”，但“driveway”上只能“park”。电视明明只有一台，偏偏要说“a TV set”……
够荒谬了吧？什么？英文的前缀，后缀合理，意义明确？您别逗了。
“pro”和“con”是相对立的，那“progress”和“congress”是反义词吗？“button”和“unbutton”，“tie”和“untie”是反义词，为什么“loosen”和“unloosen”，“ravel”和“unravel”是同义词呢？“harmless actions”和“harmful actions”相反，但是，如果你骂别人“shameful”你自己是不是就“shameless”呢？还有，“flammable”和“inflammable”；“heritable”和“inheritable”；“passive”和“impassive”不都是同义词吗？更令人不解的是，一个“valuable”的东西还没有一个“invaluable”的值钱。还有的字如“pertinent/impertinent”,“canny/uncanny”,“famous/infamous”为什么既不相同又不相对呢？“Extra-large”是特大，更大；但是“extraordinary”为什么不是特普通，更一般呢？
汉语的“好容易，好不容易”难懂？要知道，英文的短语更是荒唐可笑。
“A slim chance”和“a fat chance”一样“slim”。“A caregiver”和“A caretaker”是同一人。别人夸你是“a wise man”你可以飘飘然，但叫你“a wise guy”时，你可千万别自作多情，那是因为你“自作聪明”，实际上愚不可及。“sharp speech”和“blunt speech”；“quite a lot”和“quite a few”是一个意思，“overlook”和“oversee”却相反；我们“wind up a watch”时，它开始走了，但“wind up an speech”时，它结束了。“pretty ugly”到底是美还是丑？“It’s a hell of Christmas”到底是过了一个愉快的圣诞节，还是倒霉得进了地狱？“A one-night stand（一夜情）”，一晚上都站着干嘛呀！
最重要的是，你听到别人让你“Watch your head”时，别傻乎乎地到处找你的脑袋；你在车里听到“Watch out!”时,千万别把脑袋伸出去啊!
英文没有同音字的麻烦？骗中学生呐？ESL 白学了？Ate-eight, by-buy, bear-bare, dear-deer, night-knight, die-dye, weather-whether…
赵元任写了“石氏食狮史”？咱也来一段：
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write， if the copy is right. Writers of religious services write rite, and thus have the right to copyright the rite they write. Should Thom Wright decide to write, then Wright might write right rite, which Wright has a right to copyright. Copying that rite would copy Wright's right rite, and thus violate copyright, so Wright would have the legal right to right. Right?
电脑是为英文设计的，电脑会检查拼写、语法错误？又是一派胡言，有诗为证：
Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marx for my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
电脑是看懂了，您懂了吗？
英文容易造新词，不受外来语影响？睁大眼睛瞧瞧：Kungfu、typhoon、Qi Gong、Feng Shui、Tai Chi…，小样，别以为披了洋马甲就不认识你了。那法论功魔力再大，英文还不就是 Fa Lun Gong 吗？
英语分词连写，不会造成误解？笑话！那就来看看这个笑话吧：A woman without her man is nothing. 您误解了吧？女士小姐们别生气，我是说，A woman：without her，man is nothing.
英文会读就会拼,会拼就会读？你 believe 吗？哟，这“believe”是“believe”还 | |
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